The Power to Say No
“Unless someone truly has the power to say no, they never truly have the power to say yes.” ~Dan Millman
We humans have this natural inclination to want to please others. We agree to things we don’t necessarily want to do, such as going to social gatherings for the sake of making other people happy. We do this because we want to be liked; we want to be accepted; we want to feel like we belong to a group.
With such a hard-wired desire and habit to want to make others happy and pleased, we often have a hard time saying no to things, and will end up doing things out of obligation instead of desire.
For me, by doing things I don’t enjoy out of obligation, I am left feeling unhappy. On top of feeling unhappy, I feel drained, energy wise.
Recently, there were a series of social engagements that we felt obligated to attend. These engagements felt like a waste of time, and we really didn’t enjoy them. After attending several of these out of feeling obligated, we realized that we really rather spend quality time as a family instead. So, instead of trying to please the organizers of these events, my husband and I started saying “No, thank you.”
Saying no feels like a really hard act to do, because we risk not being liked by others. The act of saying no made us feel liberated, more energized and happier. At the end of the day, all that matters is that we are happy.
On this journey of life, it is not possible to please everybody. We need to pick our battles and do what is best for us. One thing is for certain: if we tried to make everyone happy, we risk sacrificing ourselves and our own happiness.
Obviously, I am not referring to, “I don’t feel like changing diapers, so I will neglect my children.” I am referring to the obligations we feel that we need to fulfill to please people who are not among the most important in our lives.
In my own life, the most important people are my husband and my son. That is it! They are my highest priorities. My energy and attention are reserved for them and for no one else. This means if an acquaintance visits Seattle and asks me to meet up with them, I will likely say no, because I rather spend quality time with my family.
This might sound harsh, but the reality is that we only have so much free time and energy in a given week. So, use it wisely. Don’t sacrifice the most important for the unimportant. Learn to say no.
-Tina Su
Photo by Insight Imaging: John A Ryan Photography.
Do you have a comment? We'd love to hear what you think!
Do you have a question that we haven’t answered yet in About SAM-e? If so, please Ask Us a Question.
Comment Policy
We value your comment. Please see our comment policy for more details on our guidelines for commenting.